mari | (no subject)

Although things ended up going my way for once, I still feel stressed about the current situation I got myself in now. I really don't want to be that person, but for the sake of my sanity I know I need to move forward and do it. I just hope it doesn't bite me in the ass and make things worse, because that's actually what kept me from doing what I needed to do for years.

I guess I'm just scared because I don't know what to expect now. I hope this whole thing is a lot easier than I think it will be. I still can't forgive my mom, and I have a feeling she'll make the situation worse if she can't be honest.

I still want to move out, but I need to have a stable job. If there wasn't so much fucking paperwork for every single fucking thing ever in preschool, I think I'd enjoy the job a lot better tbh because the kids are fun, it's literally the mass amounts of paperwork that goes on behind the scenes that makes me get why teachers deserve a bigger paycheck since it's much more work to do outside of the workplace that doesn't get counted but is necessary to keep the state happy.

I just wanna paint for a living and not work for anybody but myself.